Ragged Claws

Friday, June 04, 2010

Lessons learned from a 2-year-old issue of Allure at the gym


1) Sexiness comes from self-confidence.
1a) And makeup.
1b) And an artfully tousled ponytail. The creation of which requires several
different hair products and electrical implements.
1c) And pheromones. Although maybe humans don't have these. Although William
Shatner says that they do. Or at least, he says that he does, and they explain
his sexual magnetism.
1d) And stilettos.
1e) And seriously, we mean it about the makeup.

2) Over the years, Charlize Theron has worn many different dresses.

3) High-waisted denim bikinis!

4) When booking a hotel room, savvy travelers will take the physical location of the hotel into account.

5) If you extract fat from one part of your body and inject it into another part, most of that fat will be reabsorbed within six months.

6) Ali Larter's whipped cream bikini in Varsity Blues was actually made of shaving cream.

7) Plutarch was unimpressed by Cleopatra's physical beauty, although he allowed that her personality was enticing.

8) To take good pictures of your friends, try to ensure that they remain within the frame of the shot.

9) There is a surprisingly wide amount of price variation among sunless tanning establishments.

10) The human face is a disgusting, pitted, mottled, lined, lumpy, sun-ravaged hellscape, which should be concealed with as many chemicals and minerals as physically possible.

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