How to advertise an academic talk

SUBJECT LINE: It is permissible to include the title of the talk in your email subject line, especially if this provides no hint to the actual content of the presentation. However, references to the time, date or location of the talk are frowned upon.

BODY: Ideally, there will be no text in the body of the email, thus preserving a sense of mystery and intrigue. Brief uncapitalized messages, such as "flyer attached" are also tolerated. It is a faux pas to write more than a single clause, or use any punctuation whatsoever. Including descriptions of the speaker or her research is unacceptable, and providing any material of visual interest will result in immediate termination.

ATTACHMENTS: All attachments should be composed in Wingdings.